


Nothing Burns Like the Cold

by bokibee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, I wanted it so I wrote it myself, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Kylo Ren, Short One Shot, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 10:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13432758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokibee/pseuds/bokibee
Summary: Something in him hurts, a steady pang, unrelenting. He feels like he's on the cusp of something when he registers something else, a voice – he hadn't even realized he wasn't alone, how had he not realized he wasn't alone? - and for one stupid second he allows himself to hope, but he knows, he knows –“What. Happened.”---A very short look into what's going on in Kylo Ren's head after waking up in Snoke's throne room.





	Nothing Burns Like the Cold

– _Gone...!_

 

She's gone.

 

It's the only coherent thought he has and it keeps ricocheting through his head as he stares down at his own sweat-smeared reflection on a once-immaculate black floor. He struggles to catch his breath, his heart pounding in his ears as his mind tries to piece itself back together –

 

What happened?

 

Something in him hurts, a steady pang, unrelenting. He feels like he's on the cusp of something when he registers something else, a voice – he hadn't even realized he wasn't alone, _how had he not realized he wasn't alone_ , and for one stupid second he allows himself to hope, but he knows, _he knows –_

 

“What. Happened.”

 

It's not a question, but a command, and all at once it sends everything washing over him and he feels very suddenly sick. Snoke, the girl – _Rey_ – a chance, a moment of hope for something else, something better – now gone. A future laid out before him clear as day – a future for himself, for something _he wants more than he thinks he's ever wanted anything in his life_ – and then gone at her hesitation, her rejection. And now...?

 

He's rising to his feet before he's even aware of his own movement, trying to support himself on unsteady legs. He doesn't want _this._ He feels like he's realizing something, something huge, for the first time. Had gone for years, maybe his whole life, aimless, searching, _trying_ , but _now..._

 

Now it doesn't matter. He'd tried. And failed. Again. He's still here and he needs to deal with this. They can't know it was him, he has no choice, can see no other options and _they can't know it was him –_

 

“The girl killed Snoke.” He almost surprises himself with the statement. It's the only believable alternative, he tells himself. The closest thing to the truth. He walks right past the two halves of his former master, lying cold and pathetic on the dais before him, and he feels nothing. “What happened?”

 

There's a moment and he can feel Hux's eyes burning into the back of his skull. “She stole Snoke's escape pod,” if there's more to the sentence, he doesn't hear it. The words rush over him like cold water, telling him what he already knows, had already felt. It's then that the anger starts to trickle back to him, a familiar feeling, his constant companion for so long, at least until –

 

The near-thought of _her_ only makes him angrier. “We know where she's going. Get your troops down to that planet. Let's finish this.” And he's walking away.

 

The tension in the room spikes at his words and Hux is almost reeling, “ _'finish this?_ '” Hux practically gasps the words, bewildered. “You presume to command _my_ army!” At this he slows his own steps, anger rooting itself somehow deeper within him, and he's thankful for the space it takes up in his mind, other swimming thoughts and feelings pushed aside in its wake. Not sensing the change in him, or perhaps not caring, Hux continues, “The Supreme Leader is _dead_ , we have no _ruler_ – !!”

 

It feels good. The power, the control. He feels in command of himself again, feels so much like the version of himself that he's fought so hard to create, to maintain. It feels so incredibly good in this moment that he can even mostly ignore how _very empty_ he feels. That void only makes him angrier still. He squeezes maybe just a little harder than necessary. “The Supreme Leader... Is _dead_.”

 

This isn't what he wants. It isn't what he _wanted_. He has no other option but to carve something out for himself from what he's been left with. That's what he intends to do. It's what he's always done. He tries not to dwell on how it's turned out for him in the past –

 

“ _Long live... the Supreme Leader...!_ ”

 

**Author's Note:**

> It has been... quite a while since I've written anything at all. This is my first time writing for this particular fandom, but the Last Jedi has taken over my life completely, as expected. I'm sorry if there's anything a little off, I tried my best, and I've seen the movie seven times already, but only had my own memory to go on! Title is just a song I've been listening to lately by Snoh Aalegra. Please leave a comment if you like it, and maybe I'll do more...?
> 
> Either way, thanks for reading!


End file.
